Youse talkin' to me? So up came the topic of Pride's possible irrelevance, and I can say - I DID read the rant (loosely termed 'article') that the link led me to.
And I read it again - and still - this is a writer who wants an excuse to celebrate 'being gay'. And wants Pride to be the thing he enjoys and the parade that no one poops on.
Well, I step up to fling my poo.
"Why don't the papers ever show the NORMAL gay people? Where are the bankers and lawyers? Why must all the coverage be drag queens and leather freaks in ass-less chaps?" I don't enjoy "Pride" - either as a political statement (which I don't believe it is any longer) or a 'celebration' (which I don't find very amusing or festive). So I don't attend - and I leave it to those that are seeking a chance to just let loose and express their individuality.
Knock yourselves out. No really.
I don't care if Pride survives or dries up completely in its current state. To me, it is irrelevant. But to me so is Styx or Huey Lewis & The News when they are on tour. I'm not buying tickets to sit through those performances - even if I hum along with their tunes.
Lisa Simpson: "You're here every year. We ARE used to it."
When there is a gay event (or any sort of event) that resonates with me, I will be there to show my support and my individuality in spades. Just as I have done, every day of my life, with friends, family, and sometimes complete strangers. No need for special occasions, thousands of bodies massed around me chanting, or autos wrapped in chicken wire and tucked with tissue paper.
Jew/Holocaust/Worn Out Cliches aside - this side says - "ooh icky drag queens and leather bears" - that side says "ooh boring yuppy gays with normal yuppy lives" - and each side hisses and spits at the other.
"They wish we were invisible. We're not. Let's dance.
Well, then dance - every day, in front of everyone you know. And ask them to dance with you. And dance with the people you want to dance with - whether they are your people/your tribe or not.
The lovely Kethrai introduced me to a quote a long time ago: "If you can walk you can dance. If you can talk you can sing." - Zimbabwe Proverb
A bit of a collection of recent rants - specifically about being gay, in the military (or like field), where gay isn't wanted:
Why did I go into the military?
[x] Parents divorced [x] Living situation sucked [x] No money for college [x] Grew up fast and learned a lot
All of the above here.
I would never undo my time in the military. I learned too much, grew a lot as a person - and met some of my truest friends. BUT, I can't imagine having enlisted for another 4 yrs.
Making sure you have a strong ring around you is important.
I guess - you just have to find a group of folks that can be balanced and impartial - yet, at the same time give a gentle nudge, slap or kick as needed when you're feeling low.
My friends and family have always provided - in abundance.
As for the 'why did you enlist?', 'why do you stay?', 'have you lost all sense of reason and dignity?' type questions and comments: PIFFLE.
These are the questions you are strapped with already. Folks either have to be open to the fact you are there - or - well, zip it.
Whether the military is the most choice place to be as a homosexual or not - but for bending the rules, but for breaking into areas where folks would prefer you just don't go - it just holds everybody down.
There are so many things that someone has to do - and someone might be gay or straight - and if someone gay goes into the military, and succeeds daily despite all of the weight and obstacles that can trip that person up - don't knock that person down.
Salute them. Support them.
Some folks seem to find it incredibly easy to say - 'it's all or nothing' - come out or keep quiet.
A quote from one such folk:"What I am saying is that you are not powerless over your situation.
You have choices, and as always there is a consequence to every choice. Its life."
And as such - a person has the right to ask for help and support from other folks.
If the idea is that no one should ever approach something that's unattainable - or that a person should only do the things that allow them to be who they want to be, when they want to be, without any 'filtering' or without any weight for the consequences of their actions, what a friggin' scary place the world would be. Or may be becoming.
I would ask these free-wheeling folks, what is your life experience - your age, what you do for a living, where you live, etc. Those things have an impact on how you relate to the world. And may make it very black & white for you with regards to your sexuality.
One of the things I sometimes find perplexing about change in society is how slowly and then quickly and then slowly it occurs. And how sometimes it occurs without people realizing it. And sometimes it takes very sudden and unexpected slides backwards.
SO - that so many folks today can say they are out - to spoon in theatres, to check out other guys in malls, etc. - how many gay people in the previous generation(s) had to filter, had to slip into roles that required a little alteration of personality - and then had to come out to the right people at the right time?
And how about those who remain firmly in place on 'fronts' where they were unexpected, undesired, or not permitted - silent and waiting: agents of change.
On the supposed "assimilation of gay culture into mainstream society..."
Borg? Where?
The idea that cultures move closer and further apart - is a constant theme in America. I see things that amuse and frustrate me to no end in how people strive to be different and cry for acceptance.
- Straight guys that dress as gay or gayer than any gay guy - adopting fashions, hairstyles, shoes that many gay men would shy away from. Of course, I sometimes suspect their girlfriends had a hand in this.- A black subculture in our country that has moved further from mainstream - creating its own vocabulary, music and idealogy. Very successfully. Only to find itself adopted and emulated.- Immigrant cultures that fear the loss of their own languages and customs as their children strive to melt into the culture which surrounds them. And watching as the culture which surrounds them adopts and emulates food, music, styles, etc. from the incomers.
Sexuality is integral to my being. But it is the least of the things that affect those I work with and socialize with. And it is the final thing I purposefully reveal - it is mine to do with what I will. It is not who I am. And should not be the thing by which I am weighed and measured.
I believe this is why - in polite society and company - it is customary to shake hands at meeting and not some other appendage.
Gay culture is a part of the world - threading itself neatly in and out of favor and in and out of history. Within the gay subset - individuals have found and will continue to find ways to reinvent and redefine themselves - over and over again.
Folks in the world will continue to see a thing they like - and in an effort to set themselves apart - they will adopt and emulate the things they see that they find pleasing or unique. Some social butterfly effect, a pebble dropped in a pond...
Whether I would be the marrying type or not - everytime I see this bumper sticker:
I want to just slam my car into the back of the car the sticker is on, shoving the bumper right up the arse of the hunch-backed, coke-bottle wearing, zit-squeezing "Defender of Marriage" with stray facial hair nervously gripping the steering wheel.
*With apologies to any non-Defenders who may be hunch-backed, coke-bottle wearing, or zit-squeezing. As for facial hair: razor, tweezer, wax - you decide.
A chum of mine sends incessant Spam. Rarely an actual e-mail - but two or three a day come jokes, photos, comic strips, etc. He also has no notion to BCC the 100 or so names on each e-mail.
So this morning - I see a reply from one of the recipients. And it's that reply that I often dream of sending myself - but... can't bring myself to:
"B,
Although I like your twisted humor, please remove my email address from the humor mailing list.
J"
Of course, this Spam was obviously going to J's work address. And J hit reply to everyone.
But - even better - a second reply comes from J,
"J would like to recall the message ... "
So, there was that moment of remorse.
Alas, that recall feature doesn't work as smartly as some would like.
People have been talking at work - and someone asked how I was holding up with everything that's just happened and I was like -
"What are you talking about? Who?"
I was only relieved for that old man that he was released from the grip from all the folks so desperate to keep him functioning - propping him up in front of windows sock-puppet style for the last several months.
"Well I love that man, Pope John Paul the 3rd I love him probably more than he deserves. Okay, so he persecutes homosexuals, does not believe in abortion, visits with Kurt Waldheim and tells us not to take the pill ... There’s still a certain je ne sais quoi – Some peace, some love, some goodwill. Yeah, the pope, pope, pope, pope, pope. We all here to see the pope, pope, pope, pope, pope..."
Meantime, back at the ranch, I keep wondering:
"How many Catholics does it take to install a Pope?"
I've been in long-term relationships. I've been in short-term ... engagements.
If you meet somebody and you *click* - and you are together with an understanding b/t the two of you (or three or four) - that's a [spiritual] union. And if that lasts 2 weeks or 80 years, it's your life and choice.
The LEGAL allowances and protections inherent to the Married. I think that is the aim. And these are things that are so quickly denied or stripped away.
The UNION decision is b/t the parties involved - and/or their friends & family they invite to witness their connection. And who support them. And if you are involved in a faith - and your faith embraces your Union - fantastic.
Of course... I have never been inclined towards the fanciness of marriage. And sometimes, witnessing folks that are desperate to achieve marriage - and then are made so unhappy by it - I wonder:
"Why would you wish this on anyone?"
AND when I see a couple skipping through the aisles of Target, zapping merchandise into their registry with the merchandise stun gun - I am emotionally overwhelmed with
An urge to slap their heads together Stooges-style.
But that's me - and I am Gay. But not as Gay as some others in my Tribe.
So here's today's episode - Mr. Ireland's Mum and Brother are staying over for a few weeks:
Akethan: Did i tell you about the bird juice?
Sister: uuugh
Sister: bird juice?
Akethan: Mr. Ireland's brother - K - said he needed a few things from the store - crispix, milk, white grape juice... so I picked 'em up and they were here for him when he got here
Akethan: after the first day or so - he finished the white grape juice off
Sister: ok
Akethan: everytime he goes for juice - he gets a new glass - at the end of each day there are glasses all over the house.... i keep
Sister: <~~~skerred
Akethan: collecting them and washing them and putting them away
Akethan: then -- yesterday i noticed they all had a red juice left in them
Akethan: i looked around and couldn't figure out where this red juice was coming from
Akethan: so when they were all sitting in the living room (Mr. Ireland, Mum, K)
Akethan: i asked - "Hey, what is this red juice - ?"
Akethan: everyone just sat there and then K got up and came over to look
Akethan: i asked - "Where is this coming from?"
Akethan: he stuttered that it was juice he found in a jar in the fridge
Sister: oh no
Sister: hummingbird food?
Akethan: puzzled i walked over to the fridge and looked inside and then bust out laughing
Akethan: he had finished off a gallon of hummingbird juice
Sister: oh my lord
Akethan: *can we have a 'grandma f memorial moment'*?
Sister: uhuh
Akethan: we were all in tears. he's mildly Rain Man - and got a bit flustered.
Sister: when do they leave?
Akethan: i said - now K, it's just sugar and water - no harm to you - don't get yer feathers ruffled.
Sister: i would say poor man but cant bring my self to quit laughing
Footnote = Grandma F - a dear soul who liked to sit on the sofa for days watching PRICE IS RIGHT - was found munching serenely on dogfood which my mom kept stored in an old Charles Chips can. She didn't bat and eyelash when I told her that wasn't a snackfood but kibble. She lived through the Depression, she informed me.
If I were Queen... I would smite some folks - and verily.
> The hands-free headset in-duh-viduals. They who wear their hands-free "safe as houses" headsets while they drive - but still, they are holding the cellphone in one hand as if it were a communicator pad or they're triangulating. Use headset. Place phone in lap. Hands on wheel. Drive. Talk. Stop it!
I've had some weird moments in stores standing next to someone who bursts into laughter or asks a question out loud -- the first thing I look for is that wire snaking from their ear into a pocket.
> "My kingdom for your cracker!" Yesterday a woman zigged into my lane and I into the shoulder lane. Then she zagged back into her own lane and then slightly back my way again. She was reaching for something in the passenger seat. As I drew up next to her, it was to see that she was wrestling with a sleeve of saltines to get a cracker free to munch on.
As for the Defense of Marriage - what the heck are people thinking anymore? It's all very separate - your state can approve/disapprove your legal union; your church can approve/disapprove your spiritual union. You make your choices accordingly - pick your church; vote your state into your way of thinking. In theory - right? In a Democracy - right?
A friend sent this to me today - and I thought I'd add it here:
*Ronald Reagan - divorced the mother of two of his children to marry Nancy Reagan who bore him a daughter only 7 months after the marriage.
*Bob Dole - divorced the mother of his child, who had nursed him through the long recovery from his war wounds.
*Newt Gingrich - divorced his wife who was dying of cancer.
*Dick Armey - House Majority Leader - divorced
*Sen. Phil Gramm of Texas - divorced
*Gov. John Engler of Michigan - divorced
*Gov. Pete Wilson of California - divorced
*George Will - divorced
*Sen. Lauch Faircloth - divorced
*Rush Limbaugh - Rush and his current wife Marta have six marriages and four divorces between them.
*Rep. Bob Barr of Georgia - Barr, not yet 50 years old, has been married three times. Barr had the audacity to author and push the "Defense of Marriage Act." The current joke making the rounds on Capitol Hill is "BobBarr...WHICH marriage are you defending?!?
*Sen. Alfonse D'Amato of New York - divorced
*Sen. John Warner of Virginia - divorced (once married to Liz Taylor.)
*Gov. George Allen of Virginia - divorced
*Henry Kissinger - divorced
*Rep. Helen Chenoweth of Idaho - divorced
*Sen. John McCain of Arizonia - divorced
*Rep. John Kasich of Ohio - divorced
*Rep. Susan Molinari of New York - Republican National Convention Keynote Speaker - divorced
I may not be the marryin' kind - I like it out there on the open prairie (?) - but if I wanted to marry one day or form a legal union with a consenting partner - WHY DOES IT FRIGGIN' MATTER TO ANYONE ELSE?
I had this boss - a fairly good-looking 50-something gentleman... balding, wrinkles, normal wear-n-tear.
He went on a two month "vacation".
He returned with a blondish-orange crew-cut rug. He returned with raised cheek bones, a slightly hooked aquiline nose, a be-dimpled chin. And he returned with eyebrows raised to the heavens. Some kind of tattoing process?
He never mentioned it. He acted like we couldn't tell and as if he'd always looked this way.
To me, he had lost his character. And - it actually felt like a bit of his soul, too. He was obviously concious of his changes, but really carried on as if this was the set of features he'd been born with.
So I always wonder... at the age o' 33... what would I do? What will I feel about myself as I age? Will it be easier than it seems or harder than it ought to be?
And at most given moments, I just try to go with the flow, take care of myself: exercise, eat, sleep, learn, and laugh as hard as I can everytime the opportunity presents itself.
I read today that "the recipe for a mouse is much the same as the recipe for an elepant."
Yet they differ.
Some in my family speak racism with comfort and ease.
I ask if my discomfort stems from my disagreement with their views or an echoic sympathetic twinge - an acknowledgement that this is the stock I am from; so is racism a part of who I am?
If someone's dander is raised at the lowering of another confederate flag, a flag stitched in haste to represent a potential new nation whose core philosophy was an independent will to preserve its historic industries. At the cost of human life and dignity. This new nation's flag was intended to wave high its own beliefs, its separate strengths and disparate weaknesses. And it's right to dominate the beliefs and strengths of another people.
It is a waste of fabric to continue to sew this flag in this day and age. It is only a "tradition" in its deliberate perpetuation.
And if you're angry that the general public cries, "Take it down and put it away."
Take it down and put it away.
"It's just something else that THEY'VE taken from us."
What is being taken from you? Your heritage? Something to be proud of?
Something I should be proud of?
I love you and admire you. I aspire to be like you.
I heard this on the radio - and it made me go, "Hmmmmm."
I see three sides on this coin - two as a business and an employer. I have several times been amazed at how 1 individual's needs can bend an entire company. I am not talking sweeping changes that can accomodate many needs (ramps, automatic doors, etc.).
I also know personally friends whose needs have or have not been met by employers and how a change in their lifestyle and a lack of bend on the part of the employer truly CAN effect the person's daily life so the ruling seems to miss that fine point - that state of employment for most of the population goes hand-in-hand with daily life.
...the law only covers impairments that affect a person's daily life and does not apply to conditions that prevent a worker from performing a specific job-related task...
Case-by-case things should still be considered and weighed. I hope this doesn't give businesses the opinion that they don't have to even consider making changes/accomodations because the law says that they aren't required to.
And that works as long as the individual in need understands that an employer can only make so many accomodations to allow them to continue doing their job.
Why do so many people have an inherent need to destroy and dissemble every view point that is not their own?
I have been a member of a community group for nearly three years that is somewhat grass-roots.
And they have just sent out their latest newsletter with an article lambasting (word?) another local organization for supporting the Boy Scouts - or in actuality, permitting the Scouts to meet.
Supporting the Scouts is discrimination.
Tearing the Scouts out by the root is apparently not.
A witch hunt is a witch hunt. Even if it is a bunch of frustrated members of a minority group performing the task.
Ugly is.
More on this later...
~10:50pm
I'm starting to think more about all of it - and sometimes it makes my head hurt.
1) The operators of the community center make a space available to those who pay for their time - there are rules, I am sure - still, the BSA are welcome, the GLBT (gay-lesbian-bi-trans) group is welcome.
2) The GLBT group I belong to is attacking the community center for making the space available to the BSA. The BSA doesn't protest the GLBT group using the space. The GLBT group is not going to stop using the space and find a new home. They suddenly want the community center to eject the BSA (both have been there for a number of years).
3) The BSA believes a certain thing. The GLBT believes a certain thing. They don't believe the same thing. GLBT is encouraging a public pressure on the community center.
4) Does anybody get to win?
I don't like hate/exclusion/archery or its propagation. I spent my time in the Navy and don't understand the hooplah about Gays in the military. I don't get what the BSA thinks its ban on gays accomplishes. If they're there, they're there. Some of the young scouts are about the age where they will just be coming aware of their sexual yen.
I am just curious what others think, too. My initial reaction to the letter was, "My GLBT group is a bunch of Plugs."
However, what others have said to me today resonates on a different plane than I was thinking on - so I am stepping back and thinking about it...
I guess the pressure thing is what it is - it works, it fails, it frustrates.
~ 08.12.01
I believe in a way I am glad that someone is choosing this battle -
But it took me off guard to find that a group I have identified with very well, and seen eye-to-eye with on so many issues is the group raising the battle cry.
And I find myself suddenly feeling outside the group.
My people. My tribe.
I think that writing this out has helped me see it is that really from which my initial reaction comes.
I work in a company that is all about customers and their personal issues and the things they will confide in over the phone, in their anonymity.
Some of my favorites phone calls:
1) My husband is having an affair and if I don't lose weight he will leave me for good.
2) I like large women, and there are two I am in a relationship with. There is nothing better than being in bed with them together, but I am concerned for their health. What would you consider too large?
3) I have Syndrome X and Disease Y and because of the medication I am on, I can't eat certain foods because they give me the runs. Oh, and sometimes my urine burns.
4) Yes, I am looking to start a diet plan of some kind and, oh, hold on a moment - [person then takes the phone away from their mouth and begins screaming BLOODY murder and all kind of heinous threats and inappropriate things at her child in the other room and then returns, sweet as candy to the phone] - sorry about that, sometimes that kid makes me --- Goddamnit you little bastard!!! *click*
That last call made me wish I could have gotten her address and called the authorities in quickly. I watched the news for her for a few days.
And their are always assorted nose blowings, chunky burps, and toilet flushings that have always made me glad to be on the other end of the phone. Urp, indeed.
Rudeness, it's not just directed at ladies anymore. It happens to us little guys, too.
Returning from Key West, in Miami SubSpace Station and Airport, Mr. Ireland and I decided a coffee was needed. I spied a Starbucks and scooted over to join the line. Mr. Ireland tells me what he wants and turns to go sit down.
As I am standing there, tall-white-haired-tweed-coat-corduroy-patches-with-glasses authoritatively takes a haughty stance in FRONT of me, joining the line ahead of me, and making no eye contact with me.
I said, "Excuse me, sir."
No response, no turning, no blinking.
I said, "Excuse me, sir."
No response, no turning, no blinking.
I pick up my carry-on bag, squeeze into the spare inches between him and the person who was in front of me before he came along.
I take my own authoritative, slightly shaking stance facing him, back to the line.
He continues to look up at the menu board, looks down at his watch, yawns, and then walks away from the Starbucks and me, heading off as if to find a faster coffeeplace somewhere else.
Seconds later, he reappears around the corner, money in hand, sees me in line, looks at his watch and goes to sit in a chair at one of the gates, reading a newspaper.
I wanted justice.
But really what peeved me is that he never even acknowledged my award-winning performance as a waiting-in-line-person done wrong.
Is society really growing increasingly selfish and rude, or is it just a coincidence that more and more of these types of things seem to happen everyday?
What a good idea that can go so very bad. Pay a person just enough that they will show up for work, and then allow the customer to determine what the service was worth - good if the customer isn't a cheap bastard and good if the waitstaff isn't as dumb as a post.
No offense to posts intended.
I tip 20% in almost every case. But my litmus for service is typically the closing of the meal, namely the delivery and retrieval of the bill with payment.
Restaurants use one of two methods, the open plate on which rests the receipt (face down is best), or the secretive bill-fold in which hides the bill. This is a little more distinctive, but tends to lend itself to a question I cannot abide, "Would you like change?"
WOULD I LIKE CHANGE?
Don't ever ask me this. Tip goes directly to ZERO and cannot be resuscitated, no matter how sweet you may have been during the entire meal. DOA.
Such an ignorant question - so presumptuous and rude. How about, "I will be right back with your receipt/change/what-have-you."? How about that? That gives me the option to say, "That would be nice, thank you," or perhaps, "No change, thank you." That is my option to exercise, not the waitstaff to assume.
Have you met the victims of assumptions? Always the last to know.
WOULD I LIKE CHANGE?
Grrrr... that question burns me. Bad question. Bad.
Then, let's just say we have survived this test, here's the second part which you must be clever enough to dodge: You are bringing me change, this change will be used to make a tip, don't make me have to ask you to break the change in to smaller change so that I may tip appropriately.
If the change is fifty bucks from one hundred, don't bring me a ten and two twenties. That is an assumption that you are due a 20% tip. It irks me. It makes me want to leave you the metal coins and a handwritten note to your parents about their rearing techniques. Maybe even the need to finally wean you.
How about a twenty, two tens, a five, and five ones. That is respactable and earns you your 20% for not being an ass.umer.
Have you met the victims of assumptions? Always the last to know.
I guess this is really asking a lot of a wait person. I really am good for the 20%. I know a lot of people I eat with are clueless and tip poorly; I attempt to educate where I can. I was educated by a friend who waits tables for a living. And MAKES a living at it. I understand it better, though I only waited tables for one evening in my life. That one evening was all it took to convince me not to do it again. And that a wait person, even some of the worst, work very hard to keep it all together and not plunge a steak knife in the heart of an aggressive diner.
Feeling angry last night and today. No reason in particular. Just angry. Then I get angry because I feel angry.
Came directly home from work and soaked in the hottest tub o' bubbles. Then did a whole scrub and mud mask thing trying to purge the mood. Alleviated it just a mite.
Up at 5:30am today - laundry, library, etc.
Thinking things - reading THE CONFESSIONS OF NAT TURNER. It's moving my mind, a little. The whole slavery thing repulses me - a feeling like turning inside-out. The reasoning logics laid by the white characters in the book as to why this institution was noble, and should remain intact, are amazing. How thoroughly we delude ourselves with the things that surround us. Comfort and laziness easily domineer a sense of right.
I have reached a point in the book at which the author points directly at Christianity as the base cause of so much that mangles society's best and brightest. It's a thought that is in my mind frequently - how much blind acceptance, and some words in a very thick, very old book written by mere men leads to so many of the most hateful acts against other people. Even others who believe in these doctrines just the same.
It boggles my mind. And then I was attacked the other day for saying to someone who is in a tough strait, "I'll keep you in my prayers."
You see, sirs, I am no Christian. Not even of the lowest demeanor.
And apparently there is a patent application longstanding that is pending to place the term "PRAYER" safely under the protection of its inventors: Christians.
I await the receipt of my cease & desist order. Until then I pray as I please.
And in Nat Turner, the character Gray brought this to a fine point to me this morning. He has been Nat's confessor prior to the trial. Nat's faith in the Bible gave him the conviction to begin his rebellion and uprising. He illustrates the galaxy, which is truly bigger than most minds can really wrap themselves around.
"Fancy that! Millions and even billions of stars all floatin' around in the vastness of space, separated by distances the mind can't even conceive of. Why, Reverend, the light we see from some of these stars must of left years before man hisself ever dwelt on earth! A millions years before Jesus Christ! How do you square that with your Christianity? How do you square that with God?"
